There’s a strange tug of war I often find myself in…
On one side, I admire those who live boldly – the individuals who unapologetically share their thoughts and beliefs on social media. On the other side, there’s the kind of power you can only get from moving in silence. It’s a form of personal protection that is highly underrated.
This duality often leaves me seeking balance, a search that, somehow, always brings me back to writing – a form of expression that has historically been one of my safe spaces.
When I write, my mind is in this calm state where I can be deliberate and intentional. I can craft my words carefully, refining them until they are just right.
It’s a stark contrast to my everyday communication, where thoughts tumble out messily and my need for constant explanation gets in the way. My writing reflects the version of myself I strive to be most – clear, thoughtful, articulate.
The disconnect is overwhelming, at times, and I worry that my writing doesn’t sound like me, or worse, that I’ll come across as unintelligent, dramatic and verbose.
Then there’s broader judgments about sharing online: “Social media is shallow.” “It’s a waste of time.” “People who share too much are just seeking attention.” Comments like these weigh on me more than I want them to and serve to do little more than fuel cycles of self-doubt and second-guessing.
All these opinions, whether aimed at me or simply echoing in the cultural ether, can feel paralyzing enough to keep me from sharing anything at all. And what confuses me the most? I rarely, if ever, hold others to the same standard. When someone else speaks their truth, all I see is their courage and authenticity.
So, why do I struggle to grant myself that very same grace?
Because, for me, there’s a particular kind of defeat that comes when someone else perfectly articulates what I’ve been feeling. Their words resonate so much so that instead of feeling seen or understood, I’m left feeling oddly small because now my voice can’t have anything meaningful to contribute because it’s already been said.
I don’t know how else to explain it.
What I do know is that I’m learning that my voice matters simply because it’s mine. It doesn’t need to be new or groundbreaking to hold value.
Knowing when to share, when to stay quiet and trusting myself to navigate the difference – that’s the challenge here. And what feels right one day may not feel right the next and that’s something I’m going to have to be okay with.
My participation in blogging, and social media as a whole, is just me showing up authentically, flaws and all, trying to create space for connection. All of this is me trying to bridge the gap between my mind and my mouth in a world that rarely values quiet reflection.
I may never fully resolve the tension between these parts of myself but maybe I’m not supposed to… Instead of fighting my instincts, I want to try to embrace their duality and allow both to coexist as an intrinsic part of who I am.